My husband and I had just bought a new “100 year old” house and my sisters decided to come for a week to help us renovate. I am the youngest of three girls, the baby of the family. So, it just stood to reason that when in need “the sisters” would arrive to the rescue.
All went extremely well. We had loads of fun and laughter and even managed to get curtains made and walls painted. We also managed to shop, eat, go to Lowes, shop some more, eat again, go to Hobby Lobby, go to Lowes again… you get the point.
There was one trip to Hobby Lobby that we went back in the store three times before we even made it out of the parking lot. We eventually remembered everything we came for, just not necessarily in one trip.
On one such trip to Lowes, we were on a mission to find…something…who knows what. We always had a list, Linda, the Organizer, never went anywhere without her list. The problem was that Linda, the Organizer, was never anywhere to be found when the list was needed. That left Janet, the Doer, and myself to our own devices. Never a good thing.
So, there I was, moseying down the aisle (those of you that watch a lot of westerns will know what moseying is) with Janet in tow when it suddenly hit me…really hit me, that I needed to pee. Okay, something happens when you get to be a certain age… by the time you’ve realized it, it’s already too late. All I could do at this point was stop in the aisle and cross my legs, clinch as tight as I could, and hope it would subside.
Janet instantaneously knew what this stance meant. Being that she is somewhat older than myself (ahem) she was very familiar with the “clinched-pee-pose”.
We began to laugh.
Now, any woman knows that nothing will undo “the pose” quicker than laughter. With all of that pressure building up, something was bound to give.
Just about that time my sister Linda turned down the aisle facing us, saw both of us in “pee-pose” stance and promptly made a U turn as quickly as she could and headed for the bathroom. Being the eldest, she has had much more experience and knows what to do in an emergency situation.
Janet saw this as our deliverance and said, “Okay, we are going to follow Linda to the bathroom,” to which I replied, “I can’t. If I move, I will pee.” What a conundrum. “Should I stay or should I go, now? If I stay there’ll be a puddle, if I go it will be double.” Those aren’t really the lyrics but you catch my drift.
So Janet made a break for it. The herd instinct took over and I followed. Fight or flight? Well, it was not pretty. Just as I moved, the dam broke… down my leg, into my shoes, spreading across my pants like a tidal wave. Finally, I made it to restroom and into the last remaining stall. Of course, by that time the damage was done.
Now I was faced with another dilemma…restroom to car… car to home… with pee-soaked pants. Cause honey, once it started there was no stopping it.
It was at that moment when I saw my salvation hanging on the wall of the women’s restroom in Lowes, a gift from God… the hand dryer. I had always wondered why the spout pointed down and now I know. Oh, come on, you’ve thought about it too, admit it. I turned that baby on, sidled right up to it and let it blow.
Just about that time, Janet and Linda came out of their stalls to a sight to behold. There stood baby sister, blow dryin’ her crotch in the women’s restroom at Lowes. Back into the stalls they went…